


Misconception

by fmdx



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon, Satire, Sort-of, Steven is Pink, fandom is stupid, kinda creepy, you're an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmdx/pseuds/fmdx
Summary: Damn you all. Every single one of you. You're all idiots. Sarcasm abound.
Kudos: 4





	Misconception

Pink Diamond was driving away from her second home.

It was around 3 AM, and she was not tired at all.

"That was fun..."

"What shall we do now?"

"Any ideas?"

Nobody was with her.

Nobody but Rose.

 _She_ was like a friend.

Someone who understood her insatiable desire for knowledge.

Not philosophical, or practical knowledge.

Of course not.

Knowledge like "what would happen if I tricked them again?".

"What would happen if I scared them?".

Rose was her best friend.

 _She_ wasn't Rose!

She made Rose as an imaginary friend, perhaps.

The only one who would know what it felt like to use the cosmos as your sandbox.

The only one who _wanted_ to.

"Hey. Remember when Blue and Yellow thought I was dead?"

"Oh, yeah. That was hilarious!"

"You know what else was wonderful? When I made a Gem out of a cactus, and, you hear me? I locked him away when he started playing up! Works every time."

"Didn't Blue vow not to do that with you?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you, this world only exists for _my_ pleasure. That's why everything is okay when _I_ do it, but everyone else has to hate themselves."

"How many planets are there in the universe?"

"About... ten septillion... if I'm not mistaken. That's, uh, just in the solar systems."

"And how many Lapises are made on average per colony?"

"Two million, I think."

"How about this? How many Lapises does it take to tear a waterlogged planet in half?"

"Just one. Easy."

"So, why wouldn't Yellow send the Lapis Lazulis here?"

"I think she cares about me, and my "only" colony. She'd never admit that. Cares about reassuring others too much."

"Remember, we saved Earth, didn't we? We didn't stop anybody, didn't hold a fort of any kind... but we still saved it. We're famous!"

"That's right. Should have seen the look on Spinel's face when she found that nobody ever cared about her or loved her in her entire life. That moment when someone's dreams are crushed... it's brilliant... isn't it?"

"It is certainly funny. I don't know why, but tears make me laugh."

"Especially when you get to blame them afterwards."

Steven's flesh body had turned white and unresponsive.

White did say once, that he knew things he _couldn't_ otherwise know if he wasn't _Her_.

That was true. Nobody told him about the moonbase, or the pebbles, or the ballroom, or the caterpillar.

All of these thoughts has passed by within mere seconds.

Like a feverish reverie.

Coming to think of it, _was_ he half-human?

He remembered being told that he was made from human and Gem DNA combined.

Gems didn't _have_ DNA. They were inanimate matter possessed by White's bodily waste.

Golems.

You might be able to shapeshift working organs.

No, you had them by default. After all, snot dripped from Yellow's nose. Pearl bled when cut. There was no reason to produce mucus or blood, it was just... there. To replicate the functions of whatever bigger snake-people built White, perhaps.

Either way, it was artificial. Your organs were carefully-built machines, but certainly not genetic.

He remembered that he could shapeshift - into cats, into a monster, into long legs, into a baby, into an eighty-foot tall version of himself. No human flesh could do this and come back intact.

Also, when his Gem was out, his "human body" was only operated by the psychic impulses of the Gem - it was too weak to function independently

Yes.

This was it.

His body was made of rubber.  
  
There was no other explanation.

He was certainly not a human, and was never going to be one.

That was _great_.

He was Pink Diamond.

The heir to Earth.

He couldn't wait to play another game.

Oh.

Wait.

He had crashed the car.

Never mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Pondering and kinda venting, in a weird and rather autistic manner. What if?


End file.
